you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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