Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
