Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
