i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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