I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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