had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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