someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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