you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
