I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize