Dual....:-)
I wish I only lived at night.
It was confusing and full of hummus
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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