I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
