Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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