Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
