Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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