She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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