So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
