I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
