I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
