dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
