So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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