I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
How external is "for external use only"?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
