I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
