Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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