69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize