ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
