we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
