I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
