this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
