I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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