i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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