Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I think my moral compass just broke
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
