i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
