Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
