the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
