after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
