Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
