A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
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I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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