Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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