Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Someone signed my nipple.
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