When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
