that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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