Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize