I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
did you just send me my own nude
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
