She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
