If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
