Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im having a threesome with these popsicles
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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