listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
