I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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