I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
