I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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