Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that is very illegal...i love you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
