it hurts more in the daytime
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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