I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
