the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
