yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
