Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
